


Contemptress || Gratsu

by xXdark_passengerXx



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drugs, Gratsu - Freeform, M/M, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, not entirely accurate sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2020-05-31 14:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19427515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXdark_passengerXx/pseuds/xXdark_passengerXx
Summary: ❝i heard you whisper,but the pills were quicker❞- ONGOING -Everything was hell. It all started with a joint. They both had a rough life, but they were each other's sanctuary. They felt safe and more alive when they were together. They were happy, until it was too much. They were both each other's reason to live... and die.-(i know the song hints at a girl [-tress], but it is gratsu. hope you enjoy)





	1. DISCLAIMER

**Author's Note:**

> ORIGINAL AT WATTPAD.COM/xXdark_passengerXx
> 
> enjoy !!

**PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING !**

**THIS BOOK** **_WILL_ ** **HAVE THE FOLLOWING THEMES:**  
**\- SUICIDE**  
**\- DRUGS**  
**\- PHYSICAL ABUSE**  
**\- ALCOHOL ABUSE**  
**\- SELF HARM**  
**AND OTHER SUBJECTS RELATED TO THE TOPICS ABOVE.**

**PLEASE, PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION!**

**PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS BOOK AS A GUIDE TO HELP YOU COPE WITH ANYTHING. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO CARE AND WANT TO HELP. SPEAK TO THE** **_KIDS HELP PHONE_ ** **OR A THERAPIST IF HELP IS NEEDED.**

**IF I GET SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE TOPICS IN THE STORY, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL FIX THEM.**

**ALSO— I DO NOT OWN FAIRY TAIL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. ALL RIGHTS GO TO HIRO MASHIMA.**


	2. ONE

**_"in darkness, you're all around me,_ **  
**_i know our future, i feel your body"_ **

Natsu clutched onto the strap of his backpack tighter. He couldn't take it anymore. He didn't know what to do, and that scared him more than anything. He had no one to talk to either, no one to ask for help. No one could, even if they cared enough to ask what was wrong.

He just needed something to help take his mind off of everything; what he was feeling and what was happening. How could he though? No one was around at three in the morning, roaming the streets of the night.

Walking on the pavement, he noticed a small lit fire in an alleyway. Maybe he wasn't alone, he thought as he slowed down by the man. He looked up with a questioning look, but didn't say anything as he held his cigarette to his mouth.

Natsu tried to get the words he wanted to say out. "You're sad," he whispered. "Aren't you?"

The man scoffed. "What would you know?"

Natsu kneeled in front of him, a few inches away from his cold body. "Your— Your face," he put out a hand to touch his cheek, but then refrained from doing so, "You have a sad look."

It was true. From the bags under his red eyes (which Natsu could tell wasn't from smoking, maybe from crying?), to just the expression on his face. He wasn't okay, and he wasn't going to ask him if he was.

The man said nothing, just puffed out the smoke in his mouth with a sigh. The man's dark eyes bore into his as he sat down, leaning against the wall across from him. "The cigarette.... Does it help?"

"Maybe," he mumbled against the stick. "More than people give it credit for."

"Does it make you forget?" he asked genuinely and desperately. He slightly nodded. He wasn't going to ask how or why, it wasn't his business. "I... I want to forget, too."

The guy finally pulled the cigarette away from his lips and stared at him intently. "I'm not going to stop you. I'm not going to tell you that there's another way."

"Good, I don't need anyone stopping me," he replied. The dark-haired man reached into his pocket and took out a box that Natsu thought was familiar. "I'm not 19."

"So?" He held out the box and his lighter. Natsu grabbed it and pulled out a cigarette as he tried to light it with his nervous hands. The man helped him and he smiled at him gratefully. Natsu put it to his mouth. "I can tell you're sad, too. How sad?"

"Try a deadbeat father," he hissed as he let out the breath he held. He watched the smile slowly disappear into thin air.

"Try a dead one," the man looked away. Natsu could see the sadness in his eyes, but didn't question it.

"I want my father dead," Natsu admitted truthfully. He tried to catch the man's eyes again, but he was looking at the floor, his hair covering his eyes.

"He cant protect me anymore."

"From what?"

The man finally looked up and Natsu realized why his eyes were so red. "From everything," he whispered. "From her."

"Dead still might be better than being pestered with his anger all the time, yet also being ignored," he reasoned. "At least some attention was given to you. Alcoholics don't do that. Neither do those who beat you countlessly and burn you with their cigarettes. I don't think the dead can hold you to the wall with their filthy hands around your neck. I want him _dead_."

"What attention could a druggy give?" he asked rhetorically, an unamused chuckle escaping his lips.

"I thought you said he protected you?" Natsu furrowed his eyebrows, confused at what the man was trying to say. He didn't get attention, but he was protected?

"From everything but himself." The raven scoffed again and shook his head. "Literally everything... just not himself."

Natsu didn't question further. "I don't like him ignoring me."

The other laughed and looked into his green eyes. "Being ignored is something I've always wished for. Every night— Every time I go home. It's something I've always needed, but never got. Don't take it for granted. Find some use in it."

"Don't take dead fathers for granted. Every night, I go to sleep hoping he, or I, won't wake up tomorrow." Natsu's hands were in his lap as his finger played with the white stick. "Do you have anything stronger, shady guy?"

"I'm not a dealer." The man looked to the right where the streets were. Natsu looked to and heard the noise of the cars. In less than ten minutes, it went from quiet to a raging, loud disturbance. "You're going to have to find one."

"I can't," Natsu whispered as he continued his gaze on the streets. "People think I'm shady— probably more than you are."

"I'm not shady, I'm Gray," he finally introduced himself. "The mood everyone liked to give me."

"I'm Natsu," he said as he put the cigarette back to his lips. "As in the season everyone likes to leave me in. What good is the sun if all it does is burn people to death? Everyone but my father leaves— and my mother; she was amazing before she died."

"Lucky," he whispered quietly. "Your mother must've been beautiful."

Natsu smiled at the memory of his mom. "She was. Kind, also."

Gray seemed hesitant, but decided to continue on anyway. "I always thought my dad would be depressed because of my mom. I thought he cut himself because of her. I can't believe I was the reason he tied the rope around his neck and," he stopped himself, quickly wiping his right eye. Maybe he thought Natsu wouldn't notice, but he did.

"I doubt you were the reason—"

"I brought my boyfriend over one day," Gray interrupted, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much. "If I had known he was going to be that disappointed in me, I would've kept it a secret longer."

"You're gay?" Natsu asked. He never had a gay best friend. He wanted one, but just never had been introduced to one. He wanted someone like him, but maybe a shady guy smoking in an alley at three in the morning isn't the best suitor.

"Bisexual," he answered. "My dad thought I was a failure. I found his journal a few days later after he killed himself. I read the pages and realized each cut on his arm was because of me. One was for being born, another for getting my mom angry, two for scraping my knee and crying when I was five."

Natsu didn't like to apologize to people, since he knew how that felt, but he wanted to because he felt as if he had been rambling when the guy in front of him had it just as bad— if not, worse. "I'm sorry—"

He snarled at him, probably taking it the wrong way. "I don't want your stupid apology. The biggest cut he had, which I now know was a suicide attempt, was because I was a disappointment. He gave a list why I was; for crying over small things, for playing with some girls at the park, for trying to run away, and for trying to get him to stop drinking."

"You're more than sad," Natsu realized aloud as he frowned. "You're broken."

"I'm— I'm not!" he stuttered out as he wiped his eyes again. "You don't know me! I'm not broken— I'm still in one piece, aren't I? Just because I've thought about doing what my father did, doesn't mean I'm broken!" he lashed out as he angrily stood up.

"Gray—"

"I'm not!" he repeated. It seemed to Natsu like he was trying to convince himself more than him. "Just because people leave me— I'm not."

He finally stopped as he sat down again and brought his legs to his chest as he buried his head between his knees. Natsu didn't hear him sobbing and he sighed sadly. It seemed like he had no one to talk to. He would gladly listen, knowing exactly how terrible it was not being able to complain about your problems. He finally got a psychiatrist, it seemed like Gray didn't.

"My dad tried to kill me," Natsu admitted quietly. Gray looked up. "Got a rope from the garage, brought 15 year old me on a stroll under the ceiling fan, and wrapped a rope around my neck. He pushed the stool— and I was so grateful that I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore," he explained sadly, his fist clenching. "My brother ran into the room and got me down. This is reminder of what happened." Natsu pulled down his scarf so Gray could see the scar on his neck. 

Gray felt his eyes soften and his heart by the slightest. Maybe his life was as bad as the other's. He finally found someone he could relate to— his empathy was _real_. It really wasn't pity, but a true understanding of what Gray felt. Not once did Gray ever think he would meet someone like Natsu.

"I guess we both have daddy issues, eh?" Gray bitterly laughed as he looked away from the other's green eyes. "So, your brother. How is he?"

"He's... all right. He was never really home; always out and not wanting to deal with my dad. Two years ago after my father tried to hang me, he moved out for university. He said he valued his life too much, completely forgetting about me," Natsu scoffed as he stared at the cigarette between his fingers. "I haven't seen him since."

"So you're seventeen?" Gray clarified, slouching in his spot. He felt more relaxed now. Maybe it was because he was letting his bottled up feelings out, or maybe it was because he found someone he could relate to. Whatever the reason, he was grateful the other stopped to talk to him. "You look younger."

"Do I? I don't think so. Yes, though; I am seventeen. What about you?" Natsu asked.

"Twenty going on twenty-one," Gray answered.

"Wow, really? It doesn't look like there's a three-year gap between us." Gray gave him a look of confusion, so he decided to explain. "What? You're not the only one with a birthday coming up."

"Oh, makes sense I get." Gray shrugged. "So, you're a high schooler, huh?"

Natsu hummed in response, throwing the cigarette under his shoe and crushing it. "Grade twelve."

"Oh, I'm a third year." Gray watched as the other closed his eyes, probably from exhaustion. "I go to uMagnolia."

"I wish I could go to university or college," Natsu admitted. Gray noticed a familiar look in his eyes— a longing feeling. "My father said I'm not allowed to go. He says it's too much money I'll never be able to pay off, even with OSAP."

"That sucks," Gray held out his box of cigarettes, offering another to Natsu, who shook his head and declined with a smile. Gray shrugged and put the box away. "I say you start applying anyway. See if you get an early acceptance, and _when_ you do, then worry about money," Gray suggested, purposefully not saying 'if'.

"I can't. I have no money, not even enough to apply to universities. I barely have enough to feed myself once a day," he reasoned as he clenched his fists again. "Thank you... for thinking I would actually be able to do it. My grades are crap though, so it wouldn't matter. No university would accept a sixty percent average."

"I can tutor you," Gray shrugged again, "I just so happen to be studying to become a teacher. You'll be a good practice, too. We both win."

"My dad barely sent me to school when I was little. I was enrolled, but he never let me _go._ Finally, in high school, he let me go whenever he felt like it. The thing is... I don't know _anything_ since I missed out on so much. I can barely do simple math." Natsu frowned after his confession as he looked down. He felt stupid for not understanding the most basic concepts, but it wasn't his fault. He tried to understand, and he's slowly getting there. He took all applied classes— and now college classes, but it's still moving too fast for him. There's progress, it's just going really slow.

"Please," Gray pleaded, "Let me help you. I promise I won't let you down."

Natsu looked into his blue eyes. Just an hour ago, they were layered by ice. It seemed like all that melted away from all their talking. His eyes seemed so genuine— as if he really did want to help Natsu. What if this was another trick to humiliate Natsu? Kids were mean in his school, and did the most awful things ever heard of.

"You know what?" Natsu asked as he took out his phone, handing it to Gray. "Give me your number."

Grya blinked, then twice. "Huh?"

"I need to contact you somehow, don't I?" Natsu rolled his eyes. "Give me your number so we can set up some dates and time to meet up to study— er, tutor. Isn't this what you meant?"

"Yeah, but I mean," Grays voice trailed off as he shook his head, realizing he was being dumb. "Yeah, that's exactly what I meant." Grya began to type in his contact information into Natsu's phone with a smile.

"Can you speak another language?" Natsu questioned with wide eyes, which were filled with amazing and curiosity. He always wanted to learn any properly, but never could. So, even though he didn't take it as a course, he was hoping Gray would teach him anything about any language.

"I was actually a French-immersion student. I took French all four years during high school. I would say I know a bit. I'm also fluent in German." He laughed and handed Natsu's phone back to him. "I gave my phone number and e-mail. I hope that would be enough for you."

"What about your birthday?" Natsu raised an eyebrow with a smug smile. "I find that a crucial piece of information. You did say it was coming up; I want to be the first to wish you."

Gray laughed as Natsu handed his phone back into his hands. He added his birthday and shook his head. "You're talking as if I'm the most important person in the world to you— as if I'm special."

Natsu took his phone back and stared Gray in the eye, not wanting him to think that he was joking. "It may not seem like it— and I totally understand how crazy it seems, but you sort of are. I'm not exaggerating when I say literally nobody has ever shown me care towards me. The most my brother's done is when he saved my life, but I don't really thank him for that. Not once have I seen my dad smile. You remind me of my mother before she passed. Your laugh is like hers; broken but meaningful. I know I've known you for like an hour, but you already mean more to me than a lot of people in my life."

A pink dusted Gray's cheeks and he looked away. "That's a bit absurd, don't you think? I feel like your brother cares for you, but just doesn't show it."

"Once you meet him, you'll get what I mean," he explained. "Anyway, sorry for suddenly bombarding you with the confession. I get it's a bit much, but I need you to understand one thing."

"What?" he questioned as he put a hand in his pocket. He felt a pill bottle and his eyes widened. He had lied to Natsu when he said he didn't have any drugs, but now he felt as if he should give them, since now they were acquainted . He took out the bottle and opened it, pulling out two green tablets and holding out his hand for Natsu to take them.

"What's th—"

"Meth," he interrupted. "I didn't want to give it before, but there's this feeling that won't go away. It might ruin your life, but I just feel a need to give it."

"But why?" He tilted his head in confusion as he furrowed his eyebrows.

"You said you wanted something heavy, right? Well, here." He placed them in Natsu's hand. Hesitantly, Natsu placed the pills in his mouth and swallowed them dry, giving the other an appreciative smile. Natsu felt as if he didn't need them at the moment though, thanks to Gray. However, he felt to thank the other, the least he could do was take them. "Now that I've helped you, maybe help me by explaining what you want me to understand."

"I just want you in my life," Natsu softly spoke. "I want someone who won't leave me— who will care for me. I do understand that that's a lot— it's insane asking you for that. I'm just saying that that's all I've ever wanted, and I just have this feeling that it might be you. So please... try."

"Try? For what?" Gray tilted his head. Natsu had pretty much summed up everything Gray wanted to say to the other. It was weird, but he felt an odd attraction to the other. Maybe it was the drugs in his system.

"To stay with me."  
  


_"what if i told you that i planned this?_  
_what if i want to lose control?_  
_what if i take the blame and become the drug and dissolve as you swallow?"_  
  
  


**_-edited-_ **  
  


**_so welcome to another gratsu book. this one is definitely darker than any other fanfic i've written. hope you enjoy ;))_ **

**_*there may or may not be something written about natsu living in an apartment or whatever. just disregard that_ **


	3. TWO

_"covered in your silhouette_  
_elated for your bitter end"_

"Welcome back," Gray's roommate, Loke, greeted from his spot on the bed. Gray ignored him and left for the bathroom. "You smell really bad! Don't think I don't— whatever."

Gray shut the door, ignoring whatever Loke had to say. He sat on the floor, and thought about his hour or two with Natsu. Somebody actually wanted Gray in their life, and it was a complete stranger. Gray, for once in his life, had a good feeling about this.

He took out his phone and waited. Hopefully, Natsu would call soon. Gray liked the feeling of being needed. He wanted to talk to someone he could relate to— which was Natsu. He liked talking to the high schooler. Maybe Gray could ask if he wanted to move in with him and his roommate? He would have to pay less and Natsu wouldn't have to deal with his father.

Gray shook his head and blamed all his thoughts on his fatigued mind. It was almost five in the morning and he had classes later today. Plus, Loke would never agree on bringing Natsu in. It was a stupid idea; he didn't even know why he thought of it.

He sighed heavily and got up. He brushed his teeth and got out of the bathroom, deciding to sleep for the few hours he had left. Sadly and unfortunately for him, Loke, who already got plenty of sleep, had other plans.

"Hey, Gray," he called out. The other flopped onto his bed and groaned. "You're usually back by three-thirty. What took you so long today?"

"None of your business," Gray said as he closed his eyes. He was so tired for once, he actually wanted to sleep. He was so tired, he didn't notice Loke get up and pick up his phone. Once he heard a snicker, he opened his eyes. "What?"

"Somebody's calling you." Loke threw the phone on Gray, who groaned for the millionth time. "Who in their right mind would call near this time?"

Gray ignored him as he immediately sat up and picked up the phone with no hesitation. "Hello?"

_"Hi,"_ a hushed voice greeted. Gray slightly smiled and got up, deciding it was best if he talked out of Loke's earshot. " _I really am sorry for being such a bother, but I couldn't sleep. Insomnia really is a pain in the butt."_

"No, it's no problem at all. I couldn't get any sleep either, to be honest, Gray lied. Why did he? There was no reason to, yet, he felt if he did lie, he would be hurting Natsu, and he didn't like the idea of that. "So, what's up?"

" _Nothing. Luckily when I got home, my dad was asleep on the couch. I quickly ran to my room, but I'm scared he'll wake up."_

"That's explains your quiet voice. Anyway, how are you feeling? After the meth?"

_"Not too great. Maybe two were a lot. I threw up twice when I came home, and I got a nosebleed. I feel extremely anxious and I'm even more paranoid than before; and... I really want to kill my father, or myself. The windows open and it's tempting, but my dad's sleeping. I could easily go up to him and kill him. I don't know what to do."_

"Natsu," Gray called out as he began to feel extremely guilty. He had forgotten all about the side effects. It seemed as if Natsu was focusing less on the high, and more on the negative part of the drug. The effects made everything worse for him. Before the drug, he wished for death. This just worsened it. He felt awful for making him feel like that. "You'll be okay, I promise. You should still be feeling the high. After all, it's only been an hour or so, and meth usually gives off a big high. I don't know why you're feeling so many of the symptoms."

_"Yeah, okay. I just am really freaked out. I don't know. I feel like if I go to sleep, my father will kill me. I feel like he'll grab me and tie the rope around my neck again. I can't go through that. I need to kill him."_

"Natsu, you're being absurd. Listen to yourself," Gray tried to reason. "When does your school end?"

_"14:45."_

"That's perfect. My class ends at two, so I'll drive to your school and we can hang out. How does that sound?" Gray asked, hoping it would work. If Natsu were to kill his father, Gray would feel so guilty for effing up somebody's life even more.

_"That doesn't too bad."_

"Exactly, you want to experience it , don't you? If you go though with your plan, we won't be able to hang out. So, tell me the name of your school and I'll be there." Gray sighs din relief as he relaxed his tensed shoulders.

_"St. Fiore Secondary School."_

"Great! You can stay on the phone with me if you would like. I get it if you don't want to be alone." Gray stopped talking for a moment, thinking a little bit. "When does your dad get up?"

_"Long after I go to school. Why?"_

"If you send me your address, I can pick you up, and you can stay the night at my place. I'm sure my roommate won't mind," Gray reasoned, again lying. He hoped Loke wouldn't mind, but that was a long stretch. It was the only rule Loke was sternly strict about.

_"No, I– I couldn't. I've already bothered you so, so much. Really, I'll be fine. School starts in a couple of hours anyway."_

"I can hear the fear in your voice, Natsu," Gray sighed in the phone. "Send me your address."

" _You're sure it's okay? If not, trust me, it's a hundred percent all right. I really would hate to intrude. Please tell me the truth."_

"I promise you, it's all okay. Now, address," Gray demanded. A moment later, Gray felt his phone buzz and he smiled. "I'll be there as quickly as I can manage."

With that, he hung up the call and turned around, startled by Loke's menacing glare. "What's this I hear? You gave some guy meth and are now inviting him over?"

Gray laughed and walked to the door. "I knew you wouldn't mind—"

"Gray!"

Gray sighed as he turned around and raised his hands up in surrender. "Listen to what I have to say, all right? He began to talk to me, and we relate on a lot. I feel like we both can help each other. He's suffering and he's only in high school. I remember when I was his age; it was the same. I didn't have anyone to help me. I want to help him— he shouldn't be alone like I was. Plus, his father really is an effing psycho."

Loke stared at Gray for a moment before realizing his held in breath. "Fine," he huffed out as he turned his head to the side and flopped onto his bed. "Make sure he doesn't cause too much trouble. You'll probably have to drop him off to his school, wherever that is."

Gray nodded and opened his door, ready to drive to Natsu's house.

—

Gray stared up at the house in curiosity. He had never driven to this part of the city before, it was interesting. All the houses looked super old, like, almost fifty years (from what he could tell in the dark). It was a one storey high with some stairs, probably giving the hint that there were two floors underneath.

Gray shook his head, shaking off all his curious thoughts, and took out his phone. He texted Natsu that he was outside. He was instantly replied with ' _one second!'_

He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel as he stared at the front door of the house. Was he at the right house? What if Natsu mistyped the address? What if he read the address wrong? What if Natsu was just messing with him? That would make him a total jerk.

Right before Gray could pull out his phone and double check the text of the address, he saw a figure fall from one of the taller rooms. Gray gaped at the window as he blinked once; then twice. It may have been lower than normal houses that have two storeys, but this was still pretty high. Who would be crazy and stupid enough to jump out a window?

The figure looked up as he jogged his way here. He saw a toothy grin on the man's face, and Gray almost face-palmed. Of course, it really was Natsu. He had only known the guy for, like, four hours and he was already starting to get a gist of what the man was like.

Gray sighed as he unlocked the doors and let Natsu in. Natsu sat in and pulled on the seatbelt as he looked at Gray with a nervous expression. "I feel slightly calmer— and, again, sorry for being such a bother. You can still leave me out here. Before, my window was locked, so I was forced to go through the door, but this time, it's unlocked, so I can just climb back in—"

"Natsu," he interrupted with a raised eyebrow and a roll of his dark eyes. "I've met so many idiots before, but you're literally one hell of a stupid guy."

Natsu nodded and shrugged as he looked at Gray's car. "Wow, your car actually looks like a car."

Gray gave him a perplexed look and began driving. "What do you mean 'a normal car'? Should I even ask how your car looks like?"

"It's not my car, but my dad's. He didn't let me get my driver license, so I usually take the bus, but sometimes, he forces me to let him drive me places," Natsu explained. "His car literally has piss bottles everywhere. Not only that, but the seats are ripped up, and his breaks are crap. Sometimes, they don't even work, so he goes on a stop sign or a red light."

"That's terrible," Gray commented as he frowned at the revelation of information. "Look at it this way: I can be your new driver now. Just give me a call whenever, and I'll gladly do it."

Gray couldn't figure out why he was saying the things he was and acting the way he was. He just wanted to help the other's life. Make him less miserable. He didn't want Natsu to be as himself. Natsu deserved to be happy, he could tell. Natsu was a good guy and he was young, he had his life to live. Gray, too, but this guy was in high school; it was supposed to be the time of his life before loans, university, classes, bills, taxes, et cetera.

"Thanks, really. I appreciate it," Natsu softly thanked as he gave a soft smile to the road in front of him. "God, I'm so tired."

"I would hope so," Gray admitted as he laughed. "It's five-thirty. You should get some sleep before your school starts. When do you usually get up?"

"Seven. Then, at seven-thirty, I take the bus to get to school, which starts at 08:15," Natsu explained, but then furrowed his eyebrows. "But I have no idea where you live. So, I'm going to have to figure out when to leave and which bus to take before I decide when to wake up. Plus, I'm going to have to stop somewhere to get some breakfast."

Gray groaned at the other, confused on how someone could be so dense. "You think I'm not going to make you breakfast?"

"Wha—"

"I was planning to–no, I was _going_ to– and still am– dropping you off to school. If you would like, I could pick you up and drop you off wherever after your school ends," Gray told Natsu as he took a left turn. He glanced at Natsu for a second, processing his confused look. "Are you all right?"

"Why?" Natsu croaked out. "Why are you helping me? I've done nothing but burden you."

"In a way, I'm also helping myself. I have to make sure you'll be okay," Gray confessed as he saw Natsu bite his lip. "It's odd. I don't fully understand it, but just know, I'll be here to help you. I can be that person you turn to when you need help– I _want_ to help you. Please, let me."

Natsu didn't say anything as he looked out the window from the side. Gray understood why he may have felt confused. They had known each other for less than five hours and Gray was acting as if he knew Natsu for years. He couldn't help it; every time he thought of Natsu, a pain would hit his heart, and memories of when he still living with his mother would flood back to his mind and almost kill him. He had to make sure Natsu felt safe— He had to make sure Natsu never felt like he did ever again. He should be feeling loved and wanted. He shouldn't have to jump out at window because he was scared of his father.

Gray stopped the car when they finally arrived at his residence. Visitors weren't exactly allowed, but since his aunt actually worked at his university as some sort of boss, he knew he would be able to get away with it, _if_ he got caught.

"Here we are," he introduced, but he didn't unlock the doors. "I know you're not going to get much sleep anyway, and I know you've already had one today, but," his voice trailed off as he pulled out a box. "It helps me numb the feeling of the drugs whenever I take too much. It's different for everybody, but I don't know. Might as well try, right?"

Natsu's eyes widened as he stared at Gray. He wanted to take one, but he didn't want an addiction. It was so hard to do it the first time because of his father, who would burn Natsu with his cigarettes. However, for some reason, Natsu didn't care. The marks burned at the moment and he felt as if they were alive, but he ignored it.

Hesitantly, be grabbed one. Gray unlocked the car and they both got out. Natsu stared at it for a while. Gray noticed his uncertainty and tried to reassure him, while walking to his side of the car. "You won't get caught. On this side, no one checks and people smoke weed literally all the time."

He pulled out his lighter and held it up. Natsu held the cigarette between his fingers, glancing at Gray. Without removing his eyes from Natsu, Gray lit his lighter and held it above Natsu's cancer stick. The small fire flickered over Natsu's face and Gray could properly see his eyes for that one moment. He saw so much running through them; so much feeling of overwhelm.

Natsu averted his attention to the ground as he put the cigarette to his lips. He took a big inhale, and pulled away the stick. Instead of releasing the breath, he took a small step forward to Gray and kissed him. Gray's eyes widened, completely surprised by the other's sudden actions. However, he didn't pull away and, instead, he grabbed Natsu's hips and held him against the car. Natsu held Gray's neck as he pushed his head toward his own. Gray could practically taste some of Natsu's cigarette by the smell and kiss.

The two pulled away moments later, staring into each other's eyes through the darkness, which wasn't as much anymore since the sun was beginning to rise. Both their cheeks were flushed. Natsu's mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. He wanted to apologize, but he couldn't. He didn't even know if Gray was in a relationship. He kissed back though, that had to mean something right?

Gray took a step back and shoved his hands in his pockets. He turned around, gesturing Natsu to follow. "We better go inside. You can probably get an hour or two of sleep; more or less. You school is actually pretty nearby, it'll be a five minute drive. We can leave around eight. We better go inside now."

_"don't hide the shame from our lips_  
_glowing in amber, burn in sun"_  
  


**_-edited-_ **

**_fwi, the piss bottles are a reference to the one and only queen (shane dawson)_ **

**_hope you enjoyed the chapter_ **


	4. THREE

**_"against the wall, we fall from grace_ **  
**_the pain we love is taking shape"_ **

Neither of them said a word as Gray brought Natsu in. Gray looked around the room and found Loke passed out on his bed with his phone in hand. It seemed like he was waiting for Gray to come back, but couldn't stay awake long enough. Gray understood; he would've been dead asleep if Loke went out.

Gray gestured Natsu to come in, and the latter did as he was told. Gray took Natsu's bag from him and put it near the entrance of the door. Gray dragged Natsu to his side of the room and pointed to the bed.

"You can sleep here for the next hour or so. I'll wake you up near seven-thirty and we can drive to to school then. Sounds good?" he explained as he crossed his arms.

"I can just sleep on the couch, really. You've done so much, I can sleep on the floor even. Please," Natsu begged as Gray was about to deny, but then he looked into Natsu's green eyes. As bright as the colour was, his eyes were dull but full of desperation.

With a sigh, Gray nodded his head and gestured to the couch as he left to grab an extra blanket. Natsu made his way there and flopped onto it, closing his eyes and almost instantly falling asleep. It had been such a long day for him. He didn't know what when happened and why or how— his mind was a carousel. He couldn't sort out any of his thoughts, but he knew that, at the moment, none of it mattered.

Gray placed a blanked on top of Natsu, whose eyes immediately shot open. He looked to Gray and gave a small, sheepish smile. "Thank you."

Gray shrugged it off as he waved his hands. "Don't worry 'bout it."

"No, I mean it," Natsu said more sternly. "Thank you."

Natsu closed his eyes and turned to his side and lost conscious. Gray let out a heavy sigh as he walked back to his own bed, not even bothering to brush his teeth (not like it mattered, since it was almost morning). A faint, pink colour rested on his cheeks as he tried to get the other's smile out of his mind. Not only was the smile stuck in his mind, but their earlier kiss. He just assumed that it was all in the heat of the moment, but it was affecting him more than it should have.

—

His alarm rang and he groaned as he clicked the 'close' button on it. Groggily, he sat up and yawned, ready to fall back asleep. However, when he looked around the room briefly, seeing the pink hair made him jump to his feet. As soon as he stood up, he paused for a moment to think. Should he let Natsu continue to sleep? It wouldn't matter if he was absent for _one_ day, right? Would Natsu get mad at him for making a decision like that?

Shaking off all his thoughts, he decided to wake the pinkette. He was in no place to make decisions for him. If Natsu wanted a day off, he would've said something. Clearly, no matter how much he wanted to, something was stopping him, which meant something probably had happened.

He shook the younger boy. "Natsu." Again, he shook him a littler harder. "Natsu."

"Hm?" Natsu hummed as his eyes were still closed. He shifted in his position, then turned the other way, his back towards Gray. "Five more minutes."

"Natsu," Gray warned as he shook the other even harder. "You've got school. Go eat breakfast and get ready."

"No," his muffled voice quietly said as he buried his head into the cushion.

Gray sighed as he grabbed the blanket on top of Natsu and threw it across the living room. Almost immediately, the pinkette's eyes shot open, and he sat up, glaring at Gray. His eyes then got slightly droopy, and Gray snickered at him when he realized the other got up too quickly.

"I said," Gray started as he narrowed his eyes at the younger, "You have to go to school."

"And I said no," Natsu retorted as he stared up at Gray, who was standing right in front of him. His neck slightly hurt since he was sitting on the couch, but he refused to show it.

"Damn it, Natsu," Gray cursed as he clenched one of his fists. "Seriously, get the hell up."

Seeing the serious look in his eyes, Natsu sighed as he stood up with a his eyebrows raised and lips kissing his teeth, as if to say _'are you happy now?'_

Gray gave him a look of approval before turning around and walking towards the bathroom. As he expected, Natsu followed behind him. The two stood in the bathroom and Gray handed the other a new, unopened toothbrush and his used toothpaste.

"I thought it would be pretty gross if you used my toothbrush, for you and me. So, I found a new one from," Gray didn't finish his sentence, since he realized Natsu would feel guilty for using Loke's new toothbrush. "So, you've got about twenty-five minutes, since it's 07:40. It should take us about ten minutes or less to get there."

Natsu nodded as he turned towards the sink. "Again, I can't thank you enough for this. Last night was probably the most peaceful one I've ever lived."

He turned around and smiled at Gray. The latter did the same. "Really, it's no problem. Now, I think I'll leave you to improve your hygiene. I'll be waiting here." He gestured to their dorm room.

With that, he shut the door.

-

The two sat in Gray's car, driving to St. Fiore Secondary School. Natsu grinned as All Time Low played through the speakers. They both had a long argument, but after basically screaming his head off, Natsu won. Gray agreed, as long as if it weren't too loud. Natsu decided to play _A Daydream Away_ , since he was in the mood for it.

_"i wish you could see your face right now; you're grinning like a fool."_

Natsu thought the song was cute but sad. Gray glanced at Natsu and slightly smiled. Maybe this would be their song; after all, Natsu seemed to be grinning like a fool, and he didn't even know. He looked back to the road and realized the school was near. He just had to pull up in the parking lot, which is what he did.

"Just stop here," Natsu spoke up as Gray stopped at the very back of the parking lot. Natsu looked back at Gray and pulled out his phone. "Thanks a lot. I'll text you when my school finishes."

"Yeah, bye," Gray bade as he watched Natsu get out. The windows were open, so he could hear what was being said outside. Gray plugged his own phone in and played his own music, but much quieter than when Natsu was still here.

By the time he finished, he looked up and saw Natsu near the front, talking to another guy. Gray smiled and began to drive forward, since it was the only exit. He thought about saying one final 'bye' to Natsu, but those thoughts rushed out of his mind when he heard the two's conversation. He knew it was extremely wrong, but he couldn't help it.

"Get the hell out of my face, Gajeel," Gray heard Natsu's voice. Gray was taken back by Natsu's tone. He didn't think somebody who seemed so gentle could be so aggressive.

"Yeah? Or what, Dragneel?" the other voice teased. Gray drove slowly, trying to stay near the conversation. He saw the black-haired boy smirk. "I just wanna know if your daddy issues got better?"

Gray's eyes widened as his jaw dropped, staring at the two, still at a safe distance. Gray wondered if the entire school knew about Natsu's problems. If they did, how did they find out? There's no way Natsu told everyone; he wasn't that kind of guy. Maybe Natsu told a 'friend', and that person told everybody else. Whatever happened, it was awful.

"Listen, I don't want to deal with your crap right now." With that, Natsu bumped shoulders with the other man and headed inside. Mad, the taller guy just scoffed.

Gray watched Natsu head into the school. He sighed and began to drive onto the busy road. He had classes in a few hours, but he was wondering if he really wanted to go. There was this sickening feeling in his stomach, one he didn't think he should ignore.

When he got back to his residence, he flopped onto his bed with a groan. Loke, who was typing on his laptop, raised an eyebrow at him, questioning why he was like this. Gray lifted his head as he shook it, his eyes rolling in the process.

"Told you it was a bad idea to have that pink-haired meth head in our dorm." Loke snickered as he continued his typing, giving Gray a glance.

"Okay, first of all—"

"First of all," Loke mimicked in a high-pitched voice. A smirk was plastered on his face; he knew he was annoying Gray.

" _I_ am the one who gave him the meth; and two, I'm only upset because there was this guy saying dumb stuff to him," Gray explained as Loke rolled his eyes. "And why the hell did you roll your eyes?"

"Aww, the baby, meth addict can't handle some teasing." Loke fake pouted, trying to contain his laugh. "He can't be a man on his own? What, does he need a babysitter?"

"Listen," Gray loudly said, trying to get Loke's attention. "Would you ever say those things to me?"

"Of course not!" was Loke's immediate reply, his tone suddenly serious. "You have actual problems that can't be fixed with a snap of anyone's fingers. He probably just wants attention or something to help with, I don't know, 'Daddy Issues.' If the latter's true, you should show him what real problems look like."

"Wow, Loke," Gray shook his head, a look of disbelief splattered across his face, "I've never been so disappointed. I thought you would be the one person who understood."

Neither of them said anything else as Gray walked into the bathroom, leaving Loke alone with his thoughts.

—

"Dragneel, answer," the teacher demanded as she crossed her arms.

Natsu, who was looking out the window, looked to her with a confused expression. He looked at the board behind her and immediately knew the question. The problem? He didn't know the answer.

"Oh, uh," he stuttered out, trying to think of every Physics' class he had been to. He sighed and gave her a look, one she knew all too well. "I don't know."

"Then pay attention. Last chance," she warned with a genuine worry in her eyes. Natsu knew she cared, she just didn't know how to show it. She didn't know his problems, but she knew something was wrong. It was why Natsu tried his best to be extra careful with her.

The bell rang, and it startled Natsu. It made him feel as if he were in a literal prison. Couldn't the bell have been a tune or something that wasn't a loud buzz?

Natsu stood up and swung his backpack over his shoulder, preparing to walk out. However, before he could, his teacher called him over to her desk. Natsu mentally let out a drop sigh. Of course, this was just what he needed.

"Yes?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he stood before her desk.

"I'm worried—"

"I know, I know. I've heard the same thing over and over again. You're afraid I'm not going to be able to graduate if I don't get this credit, stripping me of any chance I allegedly had of being accepted into a University. Don't any of you get it?" he asked exasperated. "I'm not going to university. So, drop it."

He walked out without bothering to hear what she had to say. For years and years, he heard the same speech a million times. He didn't need to make a it a-million-and-one.

Natsu continued to walk down the corridor, ignoring the snickers coming from Gajeel's group. He prevented himself from rolling his eyes. They were in high school and about to graduate soon. Why were people so childish in the worst way?

Natsu's eyes lit up as soon as he saw his best friend, Sting. Natsu ran towards him and jumped on his back, making the latter stumble. Natsu laughed as he got off, walking around to face Sting.

Sting had been Natsu's best friend since middle school. Their relationship had definitely been a lot different then; they were more like fake friends, trying to one-up each other in everything. That changed when they realized they had a lot in common. Natsu went to Sting for a lot of things, but issues at home wasn't one of them. Sting absolutely loved his father, and Natsu didn't tell him just because Sting couldn't relate, but because it just didn't feel right. Sting knew the bits of information, but never pried. They may have been close, but they both knew talking to each other about it wasn't the answer.

"Hey, what's up? You look a lot more drowsy than usual," Sting commented with a genuinely concerned voice. He eyed Natsu and noticed the bags under his eyes. "Have you slept at all in the past millennium?"

"Ha-ha," Natsu sarcastically laughed, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms. "It's no surprise you're not studying for exams. They're just a couple of weeks from now, ya know?"

Sting burst out laughing, slapping Natsu's back as hard as he could, making the pinkette stumble forward a bit. "That's real funny. You made it seem as if you were studying."

Natsu stepped on Sting's foot and backed up, sticking his tongue out. "You're a jerk. Next time, I'll think of a better excuse. After all, I don't want you to find out about my long nights with R—"

Natsu was interrupted by a scream coming from himself. Sting had charged up at him, attempting to step on his foot. Natsu ran down the hall, pushing past the way too caffeinated and sleep-deprived teens. However, he suddenly stopped himself when he felt his phone buzz. Reaching at his back pocket, he pulled it out. His mouth immediately went dry as he read the number on the screen.

Sting stopped right behind him, peeking over. He realized who it was and patted Natsu's arm. "You know, I just remembered. I promised Rogue I'd help him with this thing at the library. See ya!"

Sting knew it was Natsu's father calling. He also knew Natsu didn't like to talk about it very much, and Sting wasn't going to force it out of him. He knew Natsu's father was an awful, abusive, and terrible man, but he couldn't do anything. What could he? It's what he tried to tell himself anyway.

Natsu stared at the screen before picking it up, holding it to his ear. He walked into the bathroom, hoping that it would be quieter.

"Hello?" he called out, mustering the little bit of voice he had left. He shut his eyes, hoping his father had called accidentally- hoping he would grunt and just hang up. That was naive of him to have such a false hope for. He knew exactly why his father had called. The one day...

 _"Where the hell were you?"_ the booming voice of his father came from the other end. Natsu knew he messed up.

"I—"

 _"I woke up and realized all the beer had finished. Imagine my surprise when I realized the beer runner wasn't home— hadn't been home for a while. You're damn lucky I had a hell of a hangover earlier to even deal with you_ _then,"_ his father rambled.

Even though Natsu wasn't 19 yet, his father would make him go out and buy alcoholic drinks. His father knew a guy. His father knew a lot of people. Most of who were dangerous.

Taking a deep breath, Natsu tried to keep his voice from shaking. "I left for school early."

" _Why the hell would you do that? There's no point, and you know it. We both know you have no future,_ " his father discouraged. _"Whatever. I want you home as soon as your bell goes."_

And with that, his father hung up, leaving Natsu there with his phone in hand. He looked himself in the mirror, wanting to break it into pieces so he wouldn't have to look at himself. He wanted to leave and find Gray, tell him about what just happened. However, he stopped himself by reminding himself that Gray had a life. For the day or so, he would be alone. 

**_"a burning lust to touch the flam_ ** **_e_ **  
**_over and over again"_ **

**_-edited-_ **

**_happy spring break :))_ **


	5. FOUR

**_"we've played this role a thousand times_  
** _the same_ _,_ _ol_ _d_ _script, just different lies"_  
  
The bell had gone ten minutes ago.

Natsu held his phone in his hands. Despite his original intentions, Gray texted him, asking if he wanted to hang out. Natsu agreed, informing the raven of what happened with his father. Screw what he says, thought Natsu. What he can and can't do wasn't of any concern to Natsu. 

That was a lie. It was what Natsu wanted to believe- the kind of person he could only wish to be. Natsu was pretty damn afraid of his father and for obvious reasons, too. He felt if his father didn't hesitate to try and kill him, then what was stopping his father from killing or hurting Gray? 

"Bloody hell."

Natsu looked up from the grass. Currently, he sat on a bench in the local park as he waited. He didn't need to wait any longer.

Natsu smiled brightly at the man who decided to take a seat beside him. "What's with your attitude?"

"Nothing wrong with me," Gray replied as he poked Natsu's cheeks. "Just commenting on your baggy eyes and dead look."

"Oh, geez, thanks. Your words will surely make me a happier man." Natsu playfully rolled his eyes as he let out a small laugh. "Sorry for bothering you."

"Need I remind you that I was the one who texted first?" Gray mused with a smile of his own. "Besides, Child, I am more than happy to spend the rest of my day with a sarcastic teenager."

"Need _I_ remind you, I'm only three years or so younger?" 

"Still younger," Gray muttered under his breath as Natsu punched his arm. It wasn't a playful, light punch but a punch of a fighter. Gray hissed as he held his arm. "Ow."

Natsu laughed, and suddenly, the pain Gray once felt had dispersed into the air, as if it were never there. Gray was still trying to get used to the world going blank at Natsu's laugh, voice- at Natsu's presence. It wasn't like anything he had ever felt or experienced before. He wondered if it were the same for Natsu. 

"You all right?" He snapped out of his thoughts and refocused his eyes so it didn't seem like Gray was staring into Natsu's soul. "You seemed distracted with this creepy smile on your face. It was uncanny."

"Who're you calling uncanny?" This time, Gray punched Natsu's arm. A smile of satisfaction came upon his face when Natsu flinched with a smile. "Anyway, how're you holding up?"

Natsu shrugged, all sense of playfulness ebbed away as he averted his gaze from Gray. "Just fine. I... I just don't know what to do."

"For what?" Gray asked with no hesitance in his voice. He knew exactly what Natsu was feeling. Three years ago, he asked himself the same question countless times: 'What do I do?' 

"For anything. Do people just live with their abusers until they're old enough to move out? But then, I begin to wonder if I'll even be able to move out at all... That is, until he's gone," Natsu answered in a quiet voice. Gray's hand intertwined with Natsu's as he brought their hands to his mouth, kissing Natsu's. "I... then feel like I'll be gone before him."

Gray knew what that meant too; he would be gone before his father if he tied a noose around his neck. Gray contemplated if he should say what he was about to. He didn't want to, since he knew comparing their lives was something to be abstained, but he genuinely felt like it would help.

"When I was fourteen," Gray started, "I was alone. I had nobody. I would frequently walk to the park near my house and sit under this specific tree. I'd lie down and stare at the sky, envious of all the birds flying to their hearts' content. I'd then look to my right and watch the kids go down the slides and into their parent's embrace. I imagined the kid as me and the parent as my father. One day, it was just me going down the slide and falling onto the ground. My dad wasn't there anymore. That's when I realized he was never there to begin with."

"Alive he was, but as protective as he had been, he was no father. I sat under the tree after my realization and wondered, 'Now what?' I did nothing. I went home to my father and acted as I did any other day. That was my mistake," he explained to Natsu, who had a slight confusion on his face. "I did nothing."

"Well, what could you have done?" Natsu asked, wanting to hug Gray. Instead, he just held his hand tighter. 

"You could go to university. It's not too late yet but almost. You have a few months; do something about it. Get the highest average anyone's ever seen, get scholarships from everywhere, get a loan if you need to- just do _something_."

Natsu's eyes lit up as a smile formed on his lips. "Thank you," he mumbled as he gave Gray a kiss of appreciation. "But you couldn't do anything. Your situation was different than mine. Don't hold it against yourself. You were brave enough to get through that time, and now look at you... I mean, literally, look at you," Natsu joked with a laugh. "You've got the best smile in the park."

"And you've got the best eyes."

Natsu imitated a gag as he stood up. "Seriously, you're going to make me throw up rainbows if you keep talking. How 'bout a stroll in the park instead, hm?"

Gray stood, his actions speaking his answer. Natsu gave him a smile as he began walking, Gray quickly catching up to him. At first, no words were said - rather, no words needed to be said. Sometimes, silence was the best company. 

"What's your favourite movie?" Natsu asked as he continued to look ahead. Gray gave him a curious look with an eyebrow raised. Natsu saw it from the corner of his eye. "I've a small feeling that you and I are going to be around each other for a while. I thought it'd be nice to know a little bit more about you. What do you enjoy to do? What're your friends like? What are you majoring in? Stuff like that, you know?"

"Yeah," Gray sighed out as he gave a smile. He liked how someone was wanting to know about him- how someone wanted to be with him. "I don't have a favourite movie."

Natsu hummed as he gave a slight nod, looking at the floor as they walked. "I like the Corpse Bride. It's... I feel bad for each and every character, and I love the endings they got. It's hard to explain, but- Oh, and the vows. The vows are just... Geez, I really don't know how to explain myself."

"With this hand," Gray lifted his right hand. Natsu immediately caught on as his grin widened. Gray grabbed Natsu's hand and held it to their eye level. "I will lift your sorrows."

"Your cup," Natsu continued as he grabbed a plastic cup from a hot-dog cart, "will never empty... For I will be your wine."

Natsu gave the man behind the cart a loonie as he asked for some juice. The man poured some apple juice into the cup, a slight hint of confusion on his face before shrugging it off. Natsu curtsied as he gave the cup to Gray, who gratefully took it. Gray took out his lighter next.

"With this candle," he spoke as he lit the lighter. He could see Natsu's eyes reflect the flicker of the bright, orange flame. "I will light your way in darkness."

Before Natsu could move on with the next line, Gray continued to speak the vows, changing it slightly. "With this kiss," he stopped walking as he stood in front of the boy an inch shorter than him. He tilted the other's chin up, mocking his height a little, before giving him a quick kiss on his lips. "I ask you to be-"

Gray couldn't finish his question. Instead, Natsu had shoved Gray away to the side, behind a tree, more accurately. Natsu turned around and walked a little bit faster. Gray was about to call after him, asking why he pushed him. However, Gray's eyes caught onto a figure inching towards Natsu. It was a man- one that looked a little bit like Natsu. Gray's eyes widened as he stood in place.

"Where the hell have you been, boy?" Gray could hear Natsu's father yell. Gray wanted to do nothing more than to punch the old man, but he stayed where he was, knowing it was better like this. "I told you, I wanted you home as soon as your bell had gone. Maybe next time I need to be clearer, eh?"

Natsu glared at his father. His gaze faltered as he realized there wasn't anything he could do. He didn't have the upperhand. He never did. "I-"

Natsu's dad grabbed Natsu's arm roughly, slightly yanking him forward. Once Natsu regained his thoughts, he realized he was being dragged away by his father. He tried pulling his arm from the strong grip but to no avail.

As much as it hurt him, all Gray could do was watch. His fists were clenched as his eyes knitted together in anger. One day, he was going to make that sorry excuse of a father pay for all he's done. He was going to give him the same pain he brought onto others. 

"Dad!" Natsu yelled. His father only tightened his grip as he unlocked the car and shoved Natsu inside. The pinkette wandered his eyes towards Gray and gave a sad, apologetic smile. Before Gray could return the gesture, the car sped off. 

Gray stared at where Natsu had previously stood. He was still struck by what had just happened in less than a minute; it was all still processing through his mind. He wanted to call Natsu and ask if he was okay, but he knew better; he would wait a few hours when he was sure that Natsu was alone. 

Gray fixed his composure, standing up straighter. He threw the now empty cup into the trash can and walked out of the park, not wanting to be reminded of the events that had taken place. The park was supposed to be a sanctuary. He clenched his fist at the thought of the one safe haven being tarnished.

\--

The door slammed loudly as he heard his father's feet stomp the stairs. He waited until the steps fully descended to release the breath he had been holding since he was shoved into the car. He felt his back hit his mattress as he fell back, staring up at the ceiling.

He felt pathetic. Now he couldn't even go to the park without his father raining on his parade- or pushing him somewhere. How was he supposed to do anything with his life if he couldn't even say no to his father? His eyes closed as he silently laughed at his pitiful life.

_Just do_ something _._

His eyes shot open as he sat up as if he had just woken up from a nightmare. He breathed heavily as he eyed his broken laptop, seizing it in hands before he could even blink. Something meant anything, right? So, researching a bit had to have counted as something.

He went on several university websites, most that were at least three or more hours away from here. He scrolled through every single website and found everything he could on scholarships and averages to get in and fees. He thought back to his grades and proclaimed that he, for sure, would not be able to get a ninety in any class. If he tried really hard, he just might be able to get an eighty. That was good for a couple thousand dollars and an admission. 

He opened Google Docs and wrote his plan. His next steps were to study three hours a day, maybe four for Calculus and other subjects he found a bit difficult. He bit on his bottom lip as he stared at the bullet points, immediately erasing the numbers and replacing the bare minimum to five hours. It's not like he had anything else to do. 

Another thing, something he wished to do tonight, was fix his tenth grade résumé and start applying for jobs anywhere. Money was a huge issue, especially since he didn't have a credit card. He should have one by now, right? He added that to the list.

He looked at his list and smiled. He was doing something. He was doing something and it was because of Gray. Natsu's smile grew at the thought of the man. Natsu was an awful mess, but Gray looked past that and was actually wanting to help. He was a great man, one Natsu would never understand. How did someone like Natsu find someone like Gray.

He wanted to speak to Gray and tell him of all the things Natsu had done in the past few hours. Natsu looked outside his window and realized the sun had set. He realized it might have a long while ago, considering the weather outside and such.

He grabbed his phone and opened his messages with Gray. 

_Hey_ , he texted and waited for a reply. He sat there for ten minutes before realizing that just because he didn't have a life didn't mean Gray didn't either.

He sighed and flopped back onto his bed. Half an hour of him staring at the ceiling had passed when his phone buzzed. 

_What's up? You alright?_

Natsu smiled at his concern, finding it endearing. _Of course, Snowflake. I feel spectacular._

_Just making sure._

Before Natsu could text a reply, his door banged loudly as it drew open. He threw his phone down the side of the bed and stared at his dad, who said nothing. Instead he flicked the lights off and left with the door wide open. Natsu knew better than to close it. He waited to hear his father in the kitchen before retrieving his phone. 

_I think I can sneak out later tonight_. Natsu stared at the message. _Can we meet at the park?_

_Sure, see you at twelve?_

Natsu eyed his door. _Feeling spectacular, remember? See you at eleven._

_Wouldn't expect anything less. See you then._

Natsu checked the time on his phone, and bit his lip as he realized it was ten in the night. He then bit the inside of his cheek as he stood up, regretting everything already. He stood there for a few minutes before sighing. 

_Great! See you in fifteen!_

He looked at his window, then back at his door. It was open for a reason. Doors had one purpose only. Natsu grabbed his phone and stuffed in his back pocket as he walked through it, silently walking down the steps. When he reached the bottom floor, he saw his father's head whip around, glaring at him. 

"What are you doing?"

"Going out," Natsu simply replied. "Don't wait up for me." It's not like he ever did, but Natsu was feeling a new found confidence in himself. 

Before his father could march right up to him, Natsu slipped on his shoes quickly, and, as soon as he was out the door, he sprinted to the park, not daring to look behind him. He didn't dare turn around. The lack of angry screaming made him smile. He did something. 

When he reached the park, Gray was already there. He was sitting on a slide, twirling his keys around his finger. Natsu sat on the slide adjacent to him. 

"You idiot," Gray whispered as he stared at Natsu through the dark. "He knows you're out, right?"

Natsu had no problem staring right back into Gray's eyes. The icy blue was, ironically, the warmest thing in his life. "He does. I left through the front door. I know which universities that I could possibly go to, and I just have some crap figured out."

Natsu reached down into Gray's pants' pockets and took out the box of cigarettes and the lighter. He took out one and lit it. Gray watched every single one of his movements. "That's awesome."

Natsu took an inhale, and after he did, Gray stole the cigarette, placing it between his own lips. Natsu just smiled more brightly. "I feel awesome, and I never have before. I can only thank you."

No more words were said. Natsu took the cigarette from the other's lips and placed a kiss on them instead.

**_"you disappear without a trace_  
_concealing the crimes on your face"_ **

_**-edited-** _

_**sorry for updating months later! schools a real pain :/ but im so glad exams are done. hope you enjoyed.... sorry if its a bit rushed** _

_**happy canada day eve** _


	6. FIVE

**_"beneath all the pleasure, all you are is pain & you deserve every second of your suffering"_ **

Gray kept his eyes on the man lying beside him on the grass. His green eyes were, unfortunately, closed The peaceful look on his face made up for it though. He had never seen Natsu look so at ease before, and he'd be lying if it didn't make him feel more comfortable.

He wanted to move the pink strand of hair away from the other's forehead, he wanted to prop himself on his elbow and kiss the man, he wanted to wrap his arm around his waist— there was much he wanted to do, but he didn't do any of that. He was just so mesmerized by Natsu that he couldn't think of anything else except him– except staring at him.

"I've a serious question to ask you," he whispered as he watched Natsu's eyes slowly open. His grin grew as he turned his head to get a better look at Gray, as if expecting a certain question.

"Fire away, Snowflake."

"Do you think life is meaningless?"

Natsu's smile slightly faltered. "That's depressing to think about. You're born without having a choice, you're forced to live it and become what everybody else wants you to be just so you could die. It's hard to see the good in any of that. Well, except you of course."

Gray was expecting an answer like that. In his head, Natsu had answered in the exact same way. "You might be right."

"Why the sudden question?"

"Just wondering, squinty eyes."

"Gray," he looked down to see Natsu's   
fingers intertwined with his. "You're enough for me."

——

A few days had passed since they last saw each other, since Natsu had snuck out of his dad's house. From the way Natsu had been texting him, it was safe to assume that his father was ignorant to the events that took place that night.

A knock made its way to Gray's ears. He stood up and opened the front door, his heart jumping at the sight of the sun on the pink locks. However, as his eyes travelled down, any happiness he felt was replaced with distress and worry.

He said nothing has he stepped to the side, letting the other in. Natsu did so and toed off his shoes. For a few seconds, neither looked at each other. They only stood in the corridor in silence before Gray finally spoke up.

"Come here. I'll do what I can."

Gray walked to the bathroom, bending down to take the first-aid kit out of the cupboard. Meanwhile, Natsu jumped onto the counter with a sheepish smile. Gray began to treat the cuts and other wounds on his face.

"Looks like you had a rough day," he whispered quietly as he dabbed the alcohol wipe onto one of the wider cuts.

Natsu winced slightly, and Gray wasn't too sure if it was because of the alcohol or his comment. "I fell asleep a few hours ago. My dad found me and... you know," he gestured to his face, "I waited until he fell asleep to come here. He's not going to wake up anytime soon, not with the amount of alcohol he's consumed."

"He's a bit of a hypocrite, isn't he." It was less of a question than a statement, but Natsu nodded anyway. "Well, you're welcome here anytime. I'll gladly fix you up, Ash-For-Brains."

"I—"

"But that doesn't mean I like to," Gray interrupted as he set the bandages down onto the counter. He averted his gaze back to Natsu, whose eyes were widened. "Anyway, I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

Natsu seemed to know exactly what he was talking about as he nodded, looking away from Gray's eyes. "Of course."

"You've kissed me several times," Gray started, leaning on the counter beside Natsu. "They weren't meaningless to me."

"Me neither," Natsu added. Gray noticed the clenched fist. "I think I don't hate you completely, Droopy Eyes."

"Then I guess this is the part where I ask you out, huh?" Gray questioned. He put a hand onto Natsu's clenched one, and smiled slightly at the other suddenly relaxing. "What do you say about being with a messed up guy like me?"

"I say this screwed up nut case thinks that you'll have to suffice," he responded, hopping off the counter. He turned towards Gray and leaned it, placing a gentle kiss onto his lips. He slightly pulled back and gave a toothy grin. "To me, you're more than enough."

——

Gray anxiously moved his leg as he sat at the table, eyes glued to the clock. Four days had passed since he had asked Natsu out. They agreed to go on a date, and Gray told him that he wanted to surprise him, so he didn't say where they were going to go. Truth was that Gray didn't know where to take someone out. He asked Loke.

_"Out to dinner, a movie— I don't know. Anything typical."_

Gray didn't know what 'typical' was, that was the thing. He would love to take Natsu out for dinner, see his eating habits and see his eyes light up at the food coming their way, but Gray's wallet told him to wait a bit. A movie didn't sound too bad, so Gray decided to take him out to watch _Annabelle Comes Home._ Gray figured since the first two movies were all right, this one wouldn't be so bad. Besides, he was hoping to slightly scare Natsu and find comfort by clutching his arm. A guy could dream.

A book suddenly hit his head and Gray blinked at the textbook laying on the floor. He turned around to see Loke glaring at him. "The hell are you jittery and nervous for?"

Gray rolled his eyes at his friend as he picked up the fallen textbook. "You could be at least a little bit supportive, you know."

"As if," Loke scoffed, slightly shaking his head as he continued to type on his laptop. "You're going to go see this effed-up guy. There's really no reason to be nervous."

Gray didn't say anything about Loke's comment on Natsu. He realized that nothing was going to go through Loke's head and every defence made would only prove to be futile. Loke didn't like Natsu, and that was that.

"But it's more than that," Gray reasoned instead. "He makes me feel okay again."

Before Loke could say anything, Gray abruptly stood up, catching the chair he was sitting on before it could fall. He took a glance at the clock and deemed it time to pick Natsu up. He waved off Loke, who only stuck up a certain finger with a sigh, not moving his eyes from the screen.

Gray stepped out and immediately inhaled the cold air. It gave a stinging feeling to his lungs and he resisted the urge to violently cough. Instead, he cleared his throat and stepped into the direction of his car as he unlocked it. He sat in the driver's seat and closed his eyes, leaning back. 

"Someone could easily kill you, you know."

Gray jolted in his seat as his head whipped to the right, only to see Natsu giving a wave with a toothy grin. Gray only stared, jaw dropped as he tried to form a coherent sentence.

Natsu seemed to notice and stopped waving. "Well, it's good to see you too."

"How'd you get in here?" Gray stuttered out as he checked his locks, which seemed intact.

"I opened your trunk. Don't worry, I'm a professional when it comes to breaking things." Gray glared at him halfheartedly. "I got into your trunk and just crawled my way to the front of the car. It was easy since the space between your trunk and seats are open."

Gray shook his head as he let out a deep exhale. He drove silently for a bit before letting out the comment that was on the top of his tongue. "You are awful."

Natsu turned to the front, putting on his seatbelt that he had forgotten about. "I know, but you better appreciate it. I had to slip this sleeping pill into one of my dad's drinks."

Gray slammed his foot onto the brakes. They both sprang forward, the seatbelt being the only thing saving them. Gray's mind flew back to the night they first met.

_"I feel like if I go to sleep, my father will kill me. I feel like he'll grab me and tie the rope around my neck again. I can't go through that. I need to kill him."_

"Christ, what was that for, Snowflake?" Natsu yelled as he tried calming his racing heart. Luckily, they stopped at a red light, so the car behind them didn't hit them, they were just really close. Natsu noticed the look Gray was giving him. "Compared to everything else I could've done, I say this is pretty harmless."

"One pill, right?"

"Yeah, what do you take me for?" Natsu asked, sounding offended that Gray would think of him doing something like. Then again, Gray had good reason to believe he put in more than one pill. Natsu looked back straight ahead as the light turned green and Gray began to move again. "The pill was his own, prescribed. I don't think I could actually harm him, no matter how much I try."

Gray's expression softened at the tone of the other's voice. Even so, he wasn't sure if what Natsu was telling him was true. Though he did believe that Natsu only gave one of his father's pills to him.

"Right. Sorry," Gray apologized. He didn't want to argue, not on their first official date. It was supposed to be a good, fun day, and he wasn't going to ruin it with some doubts. "Are you excited to watch the movie?"

Natsu's smile returned. "I'm excited to spend time with you."

——

They reached the theatre and headed in. Gray bought two tickets and Natsu glanced at the popcorn, but said nothing. Gray rolled his eyes as he dragged the pinket to the counter. They got one medium sized popcorn and two drinks. Gray's heart warmed at the sight of the happiness sprawled across Natsu's face.

Neither said anything as they took their seats. The movie started and both of their eyes were glued to screen in front of them, too nervous to say anything. Gray noticed Natsu flinch every so often, and attempted to comfort the other like he wished to do so, but he ended up just awkwardly patting the other's hand.

"I'm going to go pee," Natsu whispered, leaning towards Gray. The latter felt the other's breath on his neck and he could only nod. Natsu stood up, but immediately sat back down. "On second thought, I think I'm gonna hold it for a bit."

"What, why?" Gray questioned, averting his attention to Natsu. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Gray's mind drifted. It was like being in high school, and he was reminded that Natsu was still in high school, which means he had to the mind of a high schooler. Sneaking off to goof around, making out in random corners and being chased off by workers—

"It's just," at the hesitancy of Natsu's voice, all mischievous thoughts flew out of Gray's mind, "There are some kids from my school here, and they're not exactly the _best_ kids and I kind of really, like _really_ don't want them to see me—"

Gray caught Natsu's hand in his. He held his hand in a warm grasp, squeezing it in reassurance. It wasn't the same weird petting thing he did when Natsu flinched at scary scenes, it was something more.

Even though they talked minimally throughout the movie, it was fine. They were together, and just being in the same room as Natsu was enough for Gray. It was going great so far, a perfect date, Gray thought. He tried not saying too much because he felt as if anything he would say would only be depressing. He was trying his best and everything to make this date perfect. He wasn't going to let some bully ruin it.

_Wait, bully?_ Gray thought to himself, a scene flying though his mind.

_"Get the hell out of my face, Gajeel," Gray heard Natsu's voice._

_"Yeah? Or what, Dragneel?" the other voice teased. Gray saw the black-haired boy smirk. "I just wanna know if your daddy issues got better."_

_Is it the same guy?_ Gray wondered as he looked at the rows ahead of them. There he found the same guy with the same piercings and the same long, black hair.

Gray didn't want Natsu to be upset. He didn't want Natsu to worry. He wrapped an arm around Natsu, bringing him closer to his own body in attempt to make him feel more secure. He leaned towards the pinket and whispered into his ear the same way the other had earlier.

"You've got nothing to worry about."

Gray returned his attention to the screen, and Natsu did the same. Gray internally cheered when Natsu laid his head on his shoulder. It was the perfect date.

_——_

"Did you like the movie?" Gray asked as they stared up at the clear, starlit sky. "I think it was a waste."

"I don't know, it was hard to focus on the movie since you were beside me," Natsu admitted, watching as Gray took out his box of cigarettes. He took one out and placed it between his lips, holding the box out to Natsu, who shook his head. Natsu slipped his hand into Gray's pocket and took out his lighter, lighting the cigarette for him.

"Look at you being a gentleman," Gray mumbled as held onto the cigarette to keep it from falling.

"A lady doesn't light her own cigarette, you know," Natsu teased. "My brother told me that. He said if a woman were to get her hands on a lighter, she'd burn the world down."

"Dark."

"I think he was just alluding to the fact that his girlfriend burnt his dorm room down once." Natsu shrugged as he took the cigarette from Gray and placed it between his own.

"You do this every time," Gray sighed out as he shook his head.

"I like it. It's kind of like our tradition."

Gray smiled as he took the cigarette back along with the lighter. "I wouldn't mind that at all."

Gray took a drag and immediately bent down to kiss Natsu, who grinned widely. It was their messed up tradition. 

**_"but yet i can't stop crawling to your doorstep; every time you beckon; i'm self-destructing, trust in nothing"_ **   
  
  


**_———_ **   
  


**_i know it's been a while and i apologize :/ i'm not too sure if this is going to be complete. i mean i really want to finish it, but it's been years since i've read or watched fairy tail. the last i watched it was like *spoiler* when natsu left for a year. the last i read it was before the manga even finished. i've just drifted away from it, but i really want to finish this, so i'll try. sorry if this chapters a bit shorter. if i really can't finish it, i'll just release the plans i had for each chapter._ **

**_also, i greatly apologize if the characters in this story act different than how they used to. it's been a long while._ **


End file.
